Intimacy and Alternate Reality in Emailing

Ellen Ullman's anecdotes of conducting an email-based relationship revealed two points of differences between my emailing style and hers. The first obvious difference between our styles is the level of intimacy in our conversations. Ullman is very personal in her online interaction--enough so that she is willing to sustain a romantic relationship via email. She decided that her personal life could survive without personal contact. Ullman uses email as a medium for solving her loneliness while I often feel that email forums contribute to loneliness because they preclude personal interaction. My emails are not nearly as personal nor intimate as hers for this reason; I see emailing as second to real interaction or talking on the phone in terms of intimacy. I email in much more formal circumstances and I don't really see email as a forum for intimate and personal contact; it doesn't feel right to me. I reserve email more for work and friendship-related contexts than for romantic contexts. Email, more often than not, is a drain on emotional conversation, not a boon.

A second point of comparison between our ideas on emailing is the idea that people hold two separate lives--their online, emailing lives and their real daily lives. Ullman tries to make a distinction, saying that she feels like a different, more confident person by night at her computer than by day at her job. I disagree with this notion, though obviously I cannot fault the author for not knowing about online social tools that have emerged after this article had been published. Social tools have created an internet space by which people can have very informal conversations (akin to daytime chatter) without much thought. Maybe in the early days of email, there was a sense of purpose or formality to emailing that made Ullman feel like she was conducting a strange alternate life at night while on her email. But I just feel like emailing has become second nature and doesn't really constitute a change from my normal everyday life.